2:22pm: kate and toｍ　ｉｎ　ｊａｐａｎ
Quick update cos i've been useless...

1. am now officially dr kate
2. am engaged to tom p
3. have moved to dorset, puddletown to be precise (does anyone else remember a children's tv show about shoes that lived in puddletown?)
4. am on holiday in japan

ＴＨｉｎｇｓ　ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｄｉｓｃｏｖｅｒｅｄ
１．　ｔｈｅ　ｋｅｙｂｏａｒｄｓ　ａｒｅ　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｃｏｎｔｒｏｌ
２．　ｉ　ｄｏｎ’ｔ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｓａｌｔｙ　ｐｌｕｍ　ｔｅａ
３．　ｓｔｒａｗｂｅｒｒｙ　ｔｏｏｔｈｐａｓｔｅ　ｉｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｎｏｒｍａｌ
４．　ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｓｌｅｅｐ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｏｌｙｍｐｉｃｓ
５．　２４ｈｒ　ｉｎｔｅｒｎｅｔ　ｃａｆｅｓ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｒｅｃｌｉｎｉｎｇ　ｍａｓｓａｇｅ　ｃｈａｉｒｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｗｏ　ａｒｅ　ａｍａｚｉｎｇ

．．．ｍｏｒｅ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｗｏｒｋ　ｔｈｅ　ｋｅｙｂｏａｒｄ：－）

9:58am: final (s) countdown
well so much for regular updates!

Have to say though life hasn't been that stressful, i don't think i'm in denial - i hope
My exams start on tuesday, i just really want them over with now, i feel like i've been waiting my entire life to do them!

Generally though revision has been fine, i've managed to squash in a few moments of panic, a beer festival, a occupational health check (again - sometimes i wonder what it actually is they are doing with my blood!), cooked my first thai curry (kind of,almost, well it resembled one), a serious amount of tidying up and most exciting of all....

booked a holiday to Japan! The lovely people at the med school decided that it was time for me to have a few weeks not working (personally i reckon it was just an admin error), so Tom and I are going to kyoto for a few weeks!!! very exciting! :-)

but for now i better start more work, honestly i recommend revising in cambridge when you're not actually studying here, its much much nicer. Also if you're dating a fetcher in the UL you can make him fetch books from the top of the tower for you, all day! ;-) - not that i've actually done that..yet

12:07pm: Katie do it too

LJ Interests meme results

1. butterflies:
   pretty flappy things that i watch at when i'm in cumbria and wandering around the lake behind my house
2. chocolate:
   not an interest but is up there with houmous and coffee in the drugs of addiction category
3. dali:
   esp his divine comedy prints and the alice sculpture (obviously)
4. elephants:
   big ones, little ones, ones in kenya outside my balcony window, nellie the elephant that taught me chest compressions, ajok the baby elephant i adopted when i was a little kate and we didn't have room for a dog...
5. gin:
   either drunken delicately with lime + tonic and ice in a pretty glass or sucked violently and straight from a big plastic hogmanay cup - hic!
6. libraries:
   used to work in library
   caught 'playing' in a library
   dating librarian (alias book monkey)
7. medical school:
   yay i got in it
   yay i've nearly finished it
   
8. opera:
   gypsies, giant women in vast togas, dancing bears, opera with only 3 singers + little shaky piano, sitting on very cold steps in verona drinking coffee
9. procrastination:
   i should be learning about the symptoms of multiple myeloma right now
10. sunny days:
    esp when lying in a punt or in a field or skipping anywhere or waking up cos the sun has come through the crack in your curtains (not because your insane neighbours want to listen loudly to spanish horse racing)

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

11:12am: finals kate 1: going to war.....
Okay it is officially six weeks until the scary final exams begin and i have decided to record my desent into madness for all future medics...

Kate's consultation by Kate - number 1:

Subjectively:
I am lingering between the deep dark pit of denial and the heights of yet unknown hysteria
I have however, now finished the required 3mths of filing...let the highlighting commence!

Objectively:
As tom is my witness...I have done some work!
(must have as tom now knows more normal blood values than i do)
I have gathered the necessary equipment:
(i) stethoscope with the bottom bit screwed back on
(ii) new pen torch, that isn't lost but simply resting and a tourniquet that doesn't hate patients
(iii) pretty medic notepaper from the even prettier bellish
(iv) various soups and bread which i freezing in anticipation of the 'no time to shop, food is for wimps' stage of the revision
(v)lots of highlighters and little sticky labels of yet unknown purpose

Appearance:
Orientated and alert-ish
Eyes not too dark and still opening
Sleep has occured
Wearing clean clothes - even have clean clothes for tomorrow
Practising revision war-cry

Plan:
Finish last three day of A&E placement from hell - avoiding all bodily fluids that are not my own
Complete the world's most pointless ethics assignment (title: sudden death - good or bad?)
Re-locate to cambridge for a week where i can be fed, watered and locked in a remote part of a library until i actually read something

1:40pm: I did this cos i wanted to see what it looked like...
hello everyone, i couldn't figure out any other way of looking at this so you all get subjected to another live journal entry



create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

so its not completely pointless here is a brief update of life:
1. staying at home while working at local GP
2. mum is doing a lot of washing (surely my clothes can't really be this dirty)
3. haven't seen too many sheep, wonder where they're hiding...
4. decided i need a car, rural area + no car = unhappy socially isolated kate
5. missing my friends lots + desperate housewives evenings + wine + houmous (they don't have it in cumbria!!!!) + tea with kim + rosi's curry + getting drunk and sending chris inappropriate messages
6. enjoying abusing GPs computers (they think i'm revising - insert evil laugh)
7. my broad cumbria accent is returning although still accidentally add in the odd word of swahilli
8. i want a hound dog called Elvis (this is tom's fault, apparently we're not allowed children called elvis and alice - so this is the compromise)
9. and finally...I now know the difference (absolutely, definantly) between 'buzzer for next patient' and 'buzzer cos i'm being attacked' - still think they should be labelled!

see you all soon
hopefully the random numbers i've stuck at the top of this page will make a nice picture...

9:47am: Trip to Paris
Hello everyone here is an update of our trip to paris, in no particular order:

event 1: it was a bit rainy at times
the lesson: tom can't hold an umbrella over your head without hitting you, lots!

event 2: louvre
the lesson: kate can be very bossy when trying to find the mona lisa in a crowd, tom is very impressed that the venus de milo has such a nice bottom

event 3: medieval musuem
the lesson: kate likes this much more than she expected - esp. the lady and the unicorn tapestry, tom likes this a lot less than expected - apart from the creepy crypt eeeewwwww(!)

event 4: eiffel tower at night
the lesson: it is much nicer to see at night with all the twinkly lights, if you want to get to the top though you must drink less, take fewer photos on the way and not rely on kate's directions

event 5: notre dame
the lesson: very beautiful but following an incident in a church in vienna kate won't go to the top, despite tom coaxing her with gargoyles. Yes i realise it isn't as high as kilimajaro but kilimanjaro doesn't wobble (apart from when you've got acute confusion!)

event 6: restaurants
the lesson: we are amazing at finding restaurants in other countries, kate always chooses something nicer than tom but she is usually kind enough to share

event 7: coffee houses
the lesson: tom has the coffee house gene, this brill yet benign mutation ensured caffeine levels were always high

event 8: street food
the lesson: its not easy to eat waffles covered in cream and kate always tells you when you are walking around with it on your nose, always, definitely, absolutely

event 9: learning the language
the lesson: tom spoke french, kate created interesting mimes interrupted with a random merci and a worried look

event 10: fellow eurostar passengers
the lesson: kate learned that you can have no self-confidence unless your father let you feed pigs from 3yrs of age and with any luck let you play with breeze blocks (apparently). Tom discovered that after several hours next to a middle-aged lady from english heritage (who was born on a pig farm) its hard to suppress the urge to strangle.

and there ends our parisian exploits

xx

3:49pm: reasons why i'm all grown up
1. i now use fabric softener

2. members of the general public have seen me revising for 'finals'

3. i have re-defined 'lost' and now consider myself 'temporarily spatially displaced'

4. i have been to the UL more than three times (true I've been away from cambridge for three years now and some might consider this a bit late but what the hell)

5. i used a map, on my own (to find the UL)

6. haven't been attacked by a squirrel in over six months

7. i'm learning that there is some kind of structure to this english language thing

8. have packed to go to paris already (thats right i'm not in the pub or in some post-valentines bubble and i'm not leaving it til the last minute)

9. in four months i will have a washing machine!!
(apparently it comes in a pack with a librarian boyfriend and house in dorset)

10. I HAVE A JOB!!!!! -- and i bet you thought this was another random live journal entry! in a few months (finals permitting) i'll have a wage. Very exciting!!!

only 3 1/2 months until the kate_the_medic transforms into

*imagine eerie green smoke, banging noises and trumpets*

Dr Kate (with capitals and everything)

5:24pm: yes everyone its another of kate's boredom songs...
okay the reason behind this one - i'm currently waiting the admin people of hell to get off their stupid fat bottoms and tell me what job i am going to have aaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhh

so to be more productive i have re-written another timeless classic, (think tune of 'one day my prince will come')....ahem...

one day my job will come
one day i'll have a wage
and the birdies will sing
and patient alarms will ring
one day if my job does come!!!!

sod it, i'm giving up medicine, i'm going to be discovered by a record company make millions and buy a tank. Then i can track down all the admin people that have pissed me off over the years (yes all of them!)
and will destroy the way kill bill would have if she'd only though of getting a tank!!!

12:20pm: mmmm...this might piss you off
i'm all confused, what does everyone thing about the publication of those muslim cartoons in european newspapers?

everyone seems to be going crazy about freedom of speech, very important obviously but isn't it all just a bit over the top?

does anyone agree with me that the media should have some responsibilty for what they print. I'm not saying that they should be stopped from printing it but shouldn't they maybe apologise for the offence. They have insulted a lot of people who are often marginalised in their own countries and in the present climate would it be so terrible to say: 'sorry we've offended you and we did not wish to disrespect your beliefs'.

Does an apology really limit our liberty? I don't agree with the actions of bombarding and threatening europeans from those countries involved but i can see why muslims are pissed off with the continual re-printing.

Does it seem to anyone else that the actions of many of these countries are a bit petty? You would think that europeans were the threatened ones, why do we need the act of defiance? An MP in Denmark described Muslims as: 'a cancer...kill the cancer or it will kill you'. No one challenged the remark.

i realise i may be opening myself up to a lot of criticism here and in the spirit of free speech I don't mind ;-) but what do you all think?

2:13pm: happy haematology
hello everybody

thought i might write and let you know some good news for a change!!

despite:
not knowing anything
the papers out of the window incident
the curious incident of the drunk in the night time
(see previous posting)
several bouts of illness
several hangovers from hell
and becoming obsessed with desperate housewives again...

i got a good report! yay!

i'm know believing that i may becoem a doctor this year afterall and am so motivated I'm going to go and play with the patients on the ward (even though I don't have to)

hope you're all this happy and bouncy
(actually not that bouncy, fell over whilst a little tipsy and now my shoulder hates me)

kate - dr in 4 months!!!!! (hopefully!)

7:24pm: kate, the patient and a bollard...
hello everyone, i've been told that this story is worthy of livejournal, so here goes.....

it all revolves around those magical people i like to call 'patients'

they never cease to surpirse or amaze, just when you think you figured out the general insanity of them all one comes along hits you in head with a scarf and steals your apple (another story)

so the story begins on a dreary evening outside the hospital i'm currently stationed, i'm all alone and waiting for one of the doctors (not keeping eye contact with ny passersby, its that sort of area)

along comes one of my regulars, true i haven't seen him in a few months, but I'm sure the other medics will back me up when i say that somehow the delusional alcoholcs never forget you...

so i'm professional and give a little non-committal wave, the sort of wave that says 'hello don't come to close, cos i can run back into A&E and hide under the nurses' station'

luckily he's seems quite busy

what is he doing? i wonder, as he wanders over to one of those traffic bollard things that, light up and have the blue arrows on

he starts giving it a swift kick -- mmmm wonders kate, am i supposed to be stopping this? is this covered by the good samaritan act or a GMC guideline?

soon i'm far to distracted anyway, as he lifts it up (in case anyone else ever wonders, turns out they are empty inside) and starts bashing the light underneath

so i start looking around to see if there are any other witnesses that might force me into doing something etc, there are none so like the voyeur that i am i continue to watch

now this is the impressive bit, having created lots of sparks, he clears his throat and bends down to light he's cigarette!

he then places the bollard back neatly waves goodbye and wanders off happily!

resourceful don't you think?

10:17am: bottom...
the year was going so well...

a lovely sedate new year
no hangover
woke up this morning to listen to the birds singing in cambridge
my wonderful boyfriend drives me to the train station to catch the train to start my new medicine block in london - i'm all excited and feeling very happy

then i started to mess it up...

1. i manage to fall into my giant paper carrier bag, which hold all my christmas presents (i'm still not sure how)
2. in the process of begging the nice man at WH Smiths for another bag i spill my coffee over everything and everyone

3. i arrive in london, its raining, there are no cabs
4. i'm late setting off and i've lost my stethoscope5.
5. the tubes hate me, personally, they've invented a new timetable just to make me change a million times, get lost and become even later

6. greeted by the consultant with 'sorry i'm grumpy this morning, i'm supposed to be on holiday, there's been a mess up, we've no doctors and my computer is broken'
7. followed with 'so why did you want to do this module?'
8. not to be beaten i counter with ' well i really want to do haematology in the future...blah blah blah'
9. i then confidently talk about the wrong disease for over 15mins because i am apparently both deaf and stupid

10. to end on a high i then trip over his foot and throw all the new registrar timetables (that have just been produced, and due to lack of computer can't be replaced) out the window

i'm now hiding in the computer room and hoping no one finds me

hope you're all having a better new year!

8:21am: Normally I wouldn't but apparaently i've been a very bad girl!

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In January on a flight to Vancouver, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). In February I ruled Canada as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In August I helped materials_girl hide a body (-173 points). In May I pulled over and changed rosixx's flat tire (15 points). Last Thursday I helped darkeyes_lewj across the street (6 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-892 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, kate_the_medic

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

11:12am: busy kate
i'm writing to inform you all of the monumental event that occured in my life last night.....

no, brad pitt hasn't found out my address yet and no, elvis hasn't finished working in tescos and proposed (aged 25 in his army uniform aahhh)

for the first time since July.....

i watched television!!!

for three hours!!!! and no it wasn't a drunken scrubs fest! i learnt absolutely nothing and even entered into a trance-like state!

it was wonderful, there was chocolate, warm jumpers, fan heater and newspaper as well! think i might even do it more often

Life has been exceptionally busy since i returned from Kenya, for example here is a quick synopsis of my travelling over the preceding few weeks:

london heathrow to 5 X(central london to north london to central london)
to cambridge to oxford to central london to cambridge
to 3 X(central london to north london to central london) to cambridge to cumbria to cambridge
to 5 X(central london to north london to central london)

I am not making this up!

factor in .....
about 10 alcoholics (whose aim in life seem to be to cover me in every possible bodily fluid - and i mean EVERY)
three on-calls in A&E
a cockroach infestation
covering most of the lake district in two days
a rather frantic taxi journey to oxford
booking a weekend in vienna
applying for jobs next year
moving house then not moving house (turns out i'm a moron and can't forward plan)
applying for a bank loan
applying, asking, begging, pleading and ultimately not getting an NHS bursary - despite being owed it, gggrrrrr
tutoring for six hours in my spare time (ha!)
being hit in the head by a door (very embarassing when your consultant keeps asking on ward rounds 'and whats wrong with your head?')
having a patient accuse me of being asthmatic (the very idea!)
having so called friends, boyfriend, family, strangers, doctors accuse me of having TB
being shouted at by occupational health


i've been pretty busy! but its all ok because now i have time for television!
(well actually I'm going out for cocktails tonight then going to cambridge for the weekend etc etc etc)

but i'm now safely back in my world of denial - oh i think i hear elvis knocking on the door....

8:07am: airports - hhmmm
---to the music of fever a la peggy lee---

bom bom bom bom ba bom

bom ba bom, ba bom bom bom...

never think i'll leave nairobi
never getting out of here
didn't think 12hrs was so long
help me leave the airport dear


ba bom bom bom

no chairs lord!
my bottom hurts and so i sulk
bottom!
bottom, chairs, bo-o-ttom, plank

ba bom bom bom

was sitting on an escalator
trying not to fall and die
so bored that i started chatting
with a random french guy

bom bom bom bom ba bom bom (etc)

oh god he's boring!
boring all through the night!
yes boring
so i'm hiding in duty free

bom bom (etc etc)

wonder how much this is costing
spent to much on make up again
never gonna use it either
will have to live on eye cream

bom bom (you know it i can't be arsed to type)

money!
purse is on fire
far too many shillings i've burnt

ba bom bom bom

9:24am: Kenyan Kate - Entry 15 - Marriage proposals!
Oh no! i hear you cry, its my last kenyan kate message *sob*

don't worry i'll be able to cheer you all up in person after tomorrow, well as long as i can navigate my way through kenyan airways!

Anyway for my last posting in Kenya i thought mmm whats more important than to let you know about all my 'marriage proposals'! I think we should have a vote on whose is the best. Boys take notes!


Number 1 = rubbing man

if you are an avid follower of my journal (seriously if you are get a life!) you'll remember the responsible assistant guide that stayed with me up kilimanjaro. Ever the opportunist he was not deterred by the past four hour asthma attack, nor by my blue lips, my sobbing or the contemplation of my imminent demise. Oh no, in the true spirit of 'seize the day' he decided this was the time to get my email address. You have to admire his technique...

(i) find an exhausted girl
(ii) trap her up a mountain with you
(iii)get her alone and cold
(iv) help her by rubbing her back
(v) progress to arms, legs, bottom....
(vi) shes probably hallucinating and to exhausted to notice
(vii) then go in for the kill --- 'do you happen to have an email address'

the main flaw in this plan, is that i could barely remember my own name never mind an email address.


Number 2 = mini-bus man

This would be suitor obviously believed that actions speak so much louder than words. My group had just finished on kilimanjaro, we all quite desperate to get back to civilisation. I decided to sit in the front with Rosi, next to driver. Casually and politely I smile at the driver, just smile! I turn back to chat to Rosi, he (always the optimist) puts he hand on my leg. despite several pushes it always seemed to find its way back.

oh and thank you to all the other people in the bus with the attitude of 'we're cold, wet, hungry and exhausted we need to get back to the hotel, just take one for the team!'



Number 3 = 'Romantic' Hotel owner

I finally arrive in kilifi, I'm a bit tired and probably not really think all of my actions through. I arrive at my hotel, i meet the owner. I'm chatty and friendly (foolish kate!). he makes a big deal about going to 'sort out' my room first. So i let him and wander off to the bar. 20mins later he is back with a smile and says he'll help with my bags, i say thats really not necessary. So he replies okay, well i'll give you my number because i stay somewhere else and if there is a problem ring me. I immediately have horrific images of how bad the room could actually be (cambridge people will remember my damp basement hole on 10 fitz street!). So i agree.

Here is my mistake - to check i've got the right number he asks me to give him a missed call.Dumb dumb kate does it.

He leaves and I meander to my room. It seems pleasant, i put down my things and decide to go to straight to sleep, as i'm quite exhausted. I then get a text message from the owner
'Goodnight, hope you sleep well, do you have any problems or need any help?'
Bit over zealous i think, but climb behind the mosquito net to find the bed covered in flower petals and condoms! (loads of them!)

I double check the door is bolted and move out of there at the first available opportunity! He still sends me texts!


Number 4 = Ponytailled new yorker

Right now i've started work, I'm prepared, I'm not going to fail into anymore traps.
I meet Mr ponytail. Bit weird i think, definately trying to flirt with me, but its ok i fall back on my usual rejection method of trying to fit the 'my boyfriend' into every other word.

A few days later he asks me out to dinner, i say sorry i'm staying in tonight. Unfortunately i lied, i'm going out with the students. I arrive at the bar only to find that on a mad whim they've invited him and he is next to the only spare chair. Bottom bottom bottom!!

Now i make my biggest mistake, i start to feel guilty. I start chatting randomly! I discover he likes stars, i explain how i've been looking for the southern cross but can't find it (somewhat relieved that he doesn't seem to be upset). He stands up and says let me show you, just over there. Stupid stupid kate follows him only to end up on the beach looking at the stars. aarrggghhh.

I only just managed to keep the three foot space between us at all times!


Number 5 (getting bored yet? i was) = Tuk tuk man

Now this one is actually very sweet. he is chatty, he drives me places and sometimes refuses to accept any money because i'm his friend. he's invited me to his house a few times, but sensibly i refuse. Its only after several weeks that i discover the boy i've living with has told him I'm for sale and want a kenyan boyfriend.

its definately a bit awkward!!!!


Number 6 = eloquent melon boy

This is a young man that i've passed and chatted to most days on the way to work. He tries to sell me melons and is always very pleasant. unfortunately for him he seems to have waited to long to 'make his move', boys beware this fatal mistake!

I tell him that in a few days i'll be leaving. He looks sad and says he wanted to spend more time with me and ask me something. I reply that i don't have time to see him now but he can ask me as we walk.

melon boy: mumble mumble mumble
kate: excuse me?
MB: mumble mumble desire mumble
k: what?
MB: you, me know each other
k: yes we do
MB: mumble mumble
k: what do you want???
MB: to share the moments of love with you
k: you want to what
MB: *makes the lewdest gesture i've ever seen in my life*
k: sorry i'm engaged, going to married really really soon, have lots of babies, fiancee is huge, and scary and possessive and very jealous. Oh look that might be him over there!
MB: disappears




So whats the verdict?


see you all soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

11:09am: Kenyan Kate - 14 - i know i said i wouldn't, but can you blame me!!!!!!
okay i think i've been pretty brave so far, but now i think they are out to get me. Lets look at the evidence:

1. seen a little black mamba on pavement when i was walking to work

- kate's thought process
'oh holy crap!!!! aarrrggh! ..... walk past quickly, keep turning round to check its not following me! ... good its not, carry on to work....robably the only one i'll see, they are really rare, lucky escape'

2. few days later walking back to house massive green mamba falls out of tree and misses landing on me by about 5cm

- kate's thought process
'what the bloody hell is that...aaarrggh, aarrgghh, arrghhh, run away! run away! ..... thank god it looks like it is stunned..... god that was unlucky but i've very unlikely to see another, some of the doctors that have been here for years have never seen any bad things .... phew'

3. happily eating dinner when look down at my feet and a medium size black mamba is heading right for me1 and is only about half a metre away!!!

-kate's thought process
'for the love of saint patrick! ... aarrrggghh!!!! get my feet up on to the table, sod my dining companions, they'll have to be sacrificed, shame and all that but thats life...... What the hell is that cat doing? the suicidial idiot, no cat no! .... wow hang on a minute, go cat go! eat the damn thing! kill! kill! ..... thank god its changed direction and gone back to the trees..... Thats unbelieveable! must be the last one i see. Think i'll get down off the table now...'

4. lying in the sun, wishing i didn't have a hangover think i'll reach down with my hand and get my book, odd whats that noise??

- kate's thought process
'aaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its a huge, really huge, green mamba under my sunbed!!!!! must be dreaming, crap no i'm not! should stop screaming its getting mad....Dear God what have i done? why are you taking the piss? ...... should i dive in the pool, nope pretty sure they can swim, mmmm do they hunt in packs? how fast can they move? ..... aaarrggghhh thats how fast!!!!!! oh good it seems my bouncing on the sunbed has scared it. Holy crap its big and it moves fast! i'm going to barricade myself in my bedroom, probably should check under my bed first....'

I think you have to agree that there is some pretty strong evidence now that the whole species hates me! Some of the other students here are actually jealous because they have never seen one! The stupid fools!

Can't wait to get back to London and not have to check under my bed and in the toilet and in the bushes and the trees and the ground! I swear next they'll figure out how to fly!

9:38am: Kenyan Kate - Entry 13 - Scary ex-pats
Just a quick entry to tell you about the very scary journey I had into work this morning!

I was walking down Bofa road with sarah, as usual, when a car stops and offers us a lift. Now remember I'm not in london so if you get offered a lift its 99.99999% of the time fine to take it. Especially because if it is a white person, like this man, then they almost certainly work for KEMRI (Kenyan Medical Research Institute) like I do. So we happily agreed and got in.

In a good natured fashion we started chatting and he explained how he was retired. I was sat in back and looking around the car and him, i thought mmmm doesn't seem like a medic. So I asked where are you from because his accent was v v v strange. Basically in Kilifi, if you are white you are either a medic employed by KEMRI, an Italian tourist or a British ex-pat.

He told us how he was originally from the UK but had spent so much of his life travelling he had developed quite a mixed accent. I asked what his job used to be and he said rather gruffly 'advisor'.

Should have left it there, really should have left it there! Why am I so chatty God? Its obviously the Northerner in me.

'Who did you advise I asked?'

'lots of people you won't like'

'try me I get on with most people' ....

I then spent the rest of the drive in a kind of shocked terror as he explained to us how he was advisor to :
1. Sadam Hussein
2. Gadaffi
3. King of Saudi
the list went on!

apparently they are all not that bad mmmmmmm i have some serious doubts! Very glad i was vague when he asked us where we were staying, its a trick i've had to learn due to the over amourous tuk tuk drivers.


I've decided either
a) he is lying and has a florid psychosis happening
or
b) he wasn't lying and I'm really unlucky with the people i meet

either way next time i'm walking!!!!!

5:41pm: Kenyan Kate - Entry 12 - Forts (and more gin- oopps)
Last week was quite stressful on the wards. Lots of poorly and dying children that we couldn't help for really stupid reasons. After a particularly bad day I was seduced by the other medical students to partake in terrible gin again.

The hangover was not pretty, neither was the unsympathetic porfessor who interogated me on the ward round the next morning! I have long since given up on the age-old medical student excuses of:

'My mate cooked dinner in our grimy student kitchen and i got food poisoning'
- they've seen student accomodation so this is somewhat of a classic

'Just too tired from all the patients I've been looking after'
- only works if you know they've not been on the ward recently, or it can spectacularly backfire when they ask you to summarise all the patients conditions

'I've got even more exams coming up'
- hopefully they'll still remember what it was like to be a student and be sympathetic rather than vindictive

or the last resort:

'i didn't realise, the medical school changed my timetable, you know what they're like!'
- since everyone does know what the medical school admin is like this is a great one!


But anyway since I guess I supposed to be mature and all I 'fessed up to the hangover. Luckily I judged him well and he found it funny with the whole 'youth of today' line. Unfortunately as punishment I was grilled on most of paediatrics while trying not to vomit or pass out on an incubator. Anyway good for the soul and all that.

This weekend I returned to Mombasa, armed with a young Kenyan student, his fathers car, a money belt and a watchful eye for pick pockets. On the whole it was very successful. I bought lots of presents including a mask for Uncle which is the ugliest thing I've every laid eyes on. (Also Adi, the student I was with, swore it was a voodoo something or other). No need to thank me Uncie ;-)

We also had time to visit Fort Jesus, it was great we were shown around by a guide who was obviously making everything up. We gave him a tip at the end just because it was so funny. All around the Fort were little plaques with dates and points of interest that he seems to have never noticed, they contradicted what he was saying all afternoon. The highlight (for the guide at least) was when he insisted on showing us the various positions the soldiers used the toliet. Aparently I was very stupid to think that they might just squat :-)

12:59pm: Kenyan Kate - Entry 11 - leopards and alcohol
I've just finished my first morning back at the hospital after spending the weekend in Tsavo on safari. I'm definitely getting better at the whole safari thing. Heres the evidence:

1. I wore shorts and sandals - unlike all 'new-to-kenya-tourists' I did not wear full gortex jacket, wide brimmed hat and the worlds largest walking boots. Honestly they could climb kilimanjaro in all that! It looks ridiculous esp when all you do is drive around in a 4-wheel drive

2. I saw (and recognised) some animals with out the help of the guide, the zoom on my camera and all my friends frustratedly shouting 'OVER THERE! for god's sake!'

3. I managed to wake up at five thirty and stayed awake, despite the hangover!

All in all it was very successful. This time I saw.... a black rhino (very rare, bit scary) and a leopard (big teeth)

So now I've seen all of the big five :-) (elephant, rhino, leopard, lion, buffalo).

To celebrate our success we drank lots of gin. I was introduced to concept of ginning - drinking a full glass of straight gin to celebrate or commiserate over something. Its a unique experience that i don't intend to repeat too much!

9:46am: Kenyan Kate - Entry 10 - I'm a true muzungu
Hanging my head in shame I have to admit that I have spent the last three weeks doing the tourist thing. Oh as the locals put it 'Crazy muzungu' (=crazy white person)

It started with deep sea fishing. Which I will admit was a bit frustrating. We all started with good intentions. We had six hours, miles of Kenyan coast, a decent sized fishing boat, two crew members and seven fishing lines with bait.

Before we even left our prospects see good. Three muzungu were leaving the boat after a four hour expedition in the morning with at least 25 empty lager cans and two fish each weighing about 100kgs. We had six hours so basically Jaws here we come (or so we thought).

Oh we were naive! We had even had a little discussion about who got to be strapped into the fishing chair first, cos obviously the fish were going to be so big we didn't want to be dragged in with them.

Three hours in and we've seen plenty of fish but they don't seem to want our bait. We get a bit worried but two beers later and spirits were high again. Then amazingly we caught something. Andrew straps himself in to the chair, we all wait with baited breath (sorry awful pun !) I'm even stood behind him with the digital camera out and what is brought in? Well we reckon it was less than 2kg :-( the fishermen even took pity on us and let us take it away for free.

Another three hours pass and all we achieved was to drink more beer, have a nap in the sun and watch a turtle for a bit. Turns out I'm not the worlds greatest hunter.


Last weekend was a bit more successful. I went to Mombasa and was almost pick pocketed by a street kid (Uncle I'm sure you'll appreciate this!) Unfortuntely I wasn't that much of a muzungu that I wasn't wearing a money belt, so when I found him with his hand in my bag all he could have stolen were mints. The kids do follow you everywhere, usually with a chorus of 'give me sweets' or if you don't reply 'you can give me money i'll buy the sweets'.

For lunch we visited Tamerind (one of the best restaurants in Kenya). It was very expensive (not as bad as london) but definately worth it. I had Kilifi oysters (they are very tiny and grow wild, they give me hundreds). Then I had lobster swahili, they offered me the chance to choose my lobster from the tank, partly because it seemed cruel but also I think I've proved i know nothing about fish! It was very very nice, as were the cocktails ;-)

Then on the way back we stop at the nankumat (very big supermarket) and very happily i found some nice tea bags, not quite english tea but at least you can drink it! And yes everyone i know kenya is famous for their tea, but they obviously export all the good stuff!


Oh well, maybe I'll try the muzungu thing again later this week, I'm trying to plan a trip to tsavo national park, it would be good to see a leopard before i leave.

anyway this probably more than enough to write, hope you're all well!

hello to Uncle, arthur and all the rest of uncie's mates ;-)

1:46pm: Kenyan Kate - Entry 9 - my walk to work
just thought i'd write a bit about how i get to work everyday, it occurred to me this morning that its quite unusual.

I walk everyday from our house near the beach to the hospital, it takes about half and hour, maybe a little longer. Its very beautiful with a lovely sea view and the temperature is usually about perfect, warm with a little breeze. But every morning I face the same mini adventures along the way.

Firstly are the fishermen that gather around near our house before they go out fishing for the day. They are very friendly and if you actually stop to talk to them you'd never make it. I've kind of developed a little 'jambo, habari, nzuri' shuffle and learnt to keep my head down and walk fast.


Then come the monkeys, they chase each other accross the road and around your feet. Very sweet, a little scary and a bit like an obstacle course!

Once you've escaped the monkeys however, its on the big hill. This is the hardest part of the walk and quite tiring if its hot. The main problem now are all the ex-pats that want to try and give you a lift and don't understand your weird ideas of exercise. Although they aren't as bad as the kenyan cyclists who think you're a crazy muzungu, for having money and not using a car!

At the top of the hill there is barely a moments reprive before you reach the orphanage. If you thought the fishermen were bad the orphans are terrible. Very sweet and chatting but add in the extra dimension of guilt and you'll never leave. So once again its down to 'mambo, jambo, poa, sana' and scurry away.

You're almost there now, you've passed the gospel church and made it though the congregation leaving morning mass, you may even have managed not to join in the singing. But now is the hard part. The hospital is actually sadnwiched between a primary school and a ... wait for it .... prison. Impressive town planning by kenya!

So if you to manage to make it through the children on their way to school, you still have to make it past the prisoners on their way to work (some of them at the hospital). Its only possible because its so funny. There are usually seven or eight prisoners, in black and white striped uniforms (no im not joking) usually carrying various sticks etc to work with and one very scared guard with a rifle that looks as though it couldn't even shoot water!

If by some miracle you manage to get past this then its on the security gate of the hospital and the same arguement with the security guard:

SG: Jambo Kate
K: si jambo, habari
SG: nzuri, have you got an id badge
K: no, no student has an id badge
SG: but then i don't know who you are
K: but i'm kate
SG: yes but how would i know that
K: because you recognise me and I've been here everyday for several weeks
SG:oh...you better hurry up, you're late for the morning meeting

And then a little out of breath, usually a little late, you make it to work!

:-)

8:13am: Kenyan Kate - Entry 7 - kate's experiments
While pondering the meaning of life etc this morning over breakfast on our verandah, I made a startling discovery. African ants don't seem to like marmite! They are willing to crawal all over my food whenever my back is turned but I left my marmite on toast for a good three minutes and there wasn't one near it, they seem to prefer my friends toast with butter only.

In a frenzy to test my hypothesis I decided to try placing a blob of marmite on the patio. Unfortunately I was thwarted in my efforts by the Joseph our cook, who didn't seem to understand what the 'crazy white girl' was doing to his beautifully clean patio. I don't think my explaination of 'I'm trying to attract ants' went down very well. So for now my randomised control trial will have to have a somewhat limited sample number.

So far though the theory holds. What i want to know is..... do all ants dislike marmite or just the kenyan ones? I encourage you all to give it a go and please post your results.

Good luck ant hunting, i'm off to see some kids xx

1:14pm: Kenyan Kate -Entry 6 - Procedures
just a quickie...

I did my first lumbar puncture today on a little girl (about 4yrs) adn I did it! Also she hardly cried and I don't think she hates me! Then I cannulated a baby with very very tiny veins.

I'm very happy now! The doctors bought me lunch x

(dr in 8 1/2 months!!!)

10:56am: Kenyan Kate - Entry 5 - rural african hospital
had a bit of a tough morning. There is a baby on the ward who desperately needs cardiac surgery but is unlikely to get it. In the UK he would have been operated on a few days after birth but here he has to wait until November when some surgeons visit from a London hospital. Even then he has to make the trip to mombasa, all ambulances are basically little mini buses and they have no ventilators.

Its very difficult treating other children on the ward and listening to him trying to keep breathing. The best i could do was lie him at an angle to help his lungs.

Its strange here, generally the atmosphere is admirable, everyone is happy and 'does there best'. This morning though, there was no denying the poverty and inequalities.

Children die so often here, probably one or two every day, I can't think of any that died while i studied 3 mths of paediatrics in the UK.

It must take a lot of strength for the doctors to keep working here.